A 5 Month Old Dagny Bloom

She's wild. Interested. Joyful and engaging. Reaching for everything. Climbing on everybody. A determined explorer. Giggles occasionally. Spits always. At the same time she has never been so calm and cuddly in my arms. I love your little spunky personality. And I love how pretty you are.

How To Survive the First Night

Mark left yesterday and just like that a new season begins. I'm thankful for the time we had together. He got to be with Dagny most of the first 5 months! He is a really good daddy and a really sweett husband. It was a  sad goodbye. My heart breaks that I don't get to have him at my side at the end of the day every day. My heart breaks even more for how much he will miss Dagny. As sad and sick as I was yesterday, it is pretty hard to cry when your baby is smiling at you. It is really easy to cry when she starts crying.

Two things you need to survive the first night he's away. Because I think it's the hardest night. It feels like the first of an eternity of lonely nights.

Oreos and wine for dinner. I had a lot more than two Oreos. And a sweet smiley baby that has no perception of time. 

I know Dags and I will be okay. 

Pretty

"Why should my heart be lonely"

It is our last week with Mark. He moves back to Toronto on Monday for the rest of the year. I don't really have any words to describe what I'm feeling. My heart doesn't seem to handle even the thought of him leaving already. So to these last days with him I'm clinging, and to this hymn. I can't read it  all the way through without breaking down because of how true these words are to my heart. 

Why should I be discouraged and why should the shadows fall?
Why should my heart be lonely and long for heaven and home?
When Jesus is my portion, my constant Friend is He, 
His eye is on the sparrow and I know He watches me.
His eye is on the sparrow and I know He watches me.

I sing because I'm happy; 

I sing because I'm free; 

His eye is on the sparrow

And I know He watches me.

Let not your heart be troubled; these tender words I hear; 

And resting on his goodness I lose my doubts and fears; 

For by the path He leadeth but one step I may see; 

His eye is on the sparrow and I know He watches me.

His eye is on the sparrow and I know He watches me.

I sing because I'm happy; 

I sing because I'm free; 

His eye is on the sparrow

And I know He watches me.

Whenever I am tempted; whenever clouds arise; 

When songs give place to sighing; when hope within me dies; 

I draw the closer to Him; from care He sets me free; 

His eye is on the sparrow and I know He watches me.

His eye is on the sparrow and I know He watches me.

I sing because I'm happy; 

I sing because I'm free; 

His eye is on the sparrow

And I know He watches me.

A story about this hymn:

"Mrs. Doolittle had been bedridden for nigh twenty years. Her husband was an incurable cripple who had to propel himself to and from his business in a wheel chair. Despite their afflictions, they lived happy Christian lives, bringing inspiration and comfort to all who knew them. One day while we were visiting with the Doolittles, my husband commented on their bright hopefulness and asked them for the secret of it. Mrs. Doolittle's reply was simple: "His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me." The beauty of this simple expression of boundless faith gripped the hearts and fired the imagination of Dr. Martin and me. The hymn "His Eye Is on the Sparrow" was the outcome of that experience."

Mark and I have had a few conversations about his upcoming departure and how I am going to survive without him here. His responses and prayers are perfect examples of the hopefulness and boundless faith described here. 

The Reach

Dagny's little arm is outstretched reaching for everything. It's my favorite thing she does. It's a gentle reach and usually a gentle touch on what ever she gets. If I lean in closely to her face, her arms come up and reach for my cheeks. She'll hold my face and babble to me. If she's tired and resting on our shoulders, her arm is reaching in the air. Around the changing table it's the birdie garland she's reaching for. Her other favorites are our coffee mugs and wine glasses. As wiggly of a baby she is, her reach is calm and curious. 

Four months with this cutie pie has flown by. She's a roly poly. When she's happy, she smiles so big I feel like her face could break. She refuses to think I'm funny and is very serious when she's talking. She's curious about everything around her, still loves eye contact the most, and is a proud baby when she's standing. I love finding all of her animals soaked in her bed, but her polka dot giraffe is her favorite to chew on. I's absolutely mind blowing how fast time is slipping through my fingers. I love her and everything she has brought to our lives. 

5 little Things to do This year...

I've never been one to get into new year resolutions. However, I'm excited to start a to do list for 2015. There are a couple of little things I would like to do more of this year.

1. I would like to be more thoughtful and giving. I received the sweetest and most unexpected Christmas present from a friend that moved away this summer. It was so incredibly thoughtful of her it made me realize how much I want to be more like that this year.

2. Devote more time to hobbies. We will see if it will happen with a growing baby and the amount of traveling I will be doing to see Mark and family. I want to read more books and paint.

3. Master a few sauces. I'm thinking I need to learn my dad's bolognese sauce recipe, a butter cream sauce, cream sauce... And a couple others. I have great recipes, I just need to master them. I'm an olive oil, salt, pepper and Parmesan on everything kind of girl. It's time.

4. Consistently do Bikram yoga for the year.

5. Be more still.

Things that Made My Christmas

I worked Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, but Mark still made everything feel like Christmas. We did jammies and stockings Christmas Eve night. Mark read from Luke and we drank hot chocolate. Christmas night we opened presents and drank champagne. 

Dagny loved looking up at the tree.

 Mark's favorite Christmas present, a calendar from artifact uprising that cost $10.

Leaf Lard that Clem and J made, oregano from Clementine's garden and tomato jam and apple butter that my grandmother made. We also received homemade candles from Rocco, and bacon salt from Billy and Lindsay! 

Two sweet books. One from Dagny's great grandmama and one from Dagny's godmother. 

 This brush from my mama and how soft my hair is after each use.

These two love birds

 Clementine as the prettiest bride.

 Mark as the best daddy

 My smiling baby

The Best of 2014

Obviously, the greatest thing in 2014 was the day Dagny was born and our family became three. But when I reflect back on the year there are so many wonderful memories worth noting. 

-Mark and I spent the month of January knowing we were pregnant, keeping that big secret and cherishing the sound of her heart beat. 

-In April I got to see him for the first time in a few months. He felt my growing belly and her soft little kicks. 

-Jesus knew I was lonely so he gave me the sweetest roommate Cynthia. That friendship is a God wink.  

-I traveled to the west and east coast in July, 8 months pregnant to see two of my best friends get married.

-Anxiously preparing a room and home for my baby. 

-Mark making it home for Dagny's birth. Seeing him cry over our baby girl will always be at the top of my list of sweetest moments. 

-Toronto

-Going to Mark's games with Dags. 

-The four months we've spent together in the same place and the fact that it's the longest we've been together since we were married. 

-My sister Clementine's wedding and how absolutely stunning she was as a bride. 

-Clementine finally meeting Dagny Clementine. And all of the rest of the far away family that came to Florida. 

And here are some favorite pictures documenting our big moments of 2014.

We both were pregnant!

Our long year apart

Two growing bellys and the most beautiful baby shower.

I did spend most of 2014 pregnant. 

Spending my time off with my family and the Perkins boys

Preparing our first nursery and Mark making it home to help.

 

Dagny

 

Dagny and Remi

 Having a newborn

 All together with family for the holidays

Dagny's first Christmas     

 

New Years Eve

New Years Day. 

When Mark and I got married, my uncle Brant, who married us, told us "it just gets better from here." Every day is truly happier than the last. And when I think about my happiest day in 2014, I can't get past yesterday morning, waking up with our baby. Because it just keeps getting better.