A 5 Month Old Dagny Bloom

She's wild. Interested. Joyful and engaging. Reaching for everything. Climbing on everybody. A determined explorer. Giggles occasionally. Spits always. At the same time she has never been so calm and cuddly in my arms. I love your little spunky personality. And I love how pretty you are.

How To Survive the First Night

Mark left yesterday and just like that a new season begins. I'm thankful for the time we had together. He got to be with Dagny most of the first 5 months! He is a really good daddy and a really sweett husband. It was a  sad goodbye. My heart breaks that I don't get to have him at my side at the end of the day every day. My heart breaks even more for how much he will miss Dagny. As sad and sick as I was yesterday, it is pretty hard to cry when your baby is smiling at you. It is really easy to cry when she starts crying.

Two things you need to survive the first night he's away. Because I think it's the hardest night. It feels like the first of an eternity of lonely nights.

Oreos and wine for dinner. I had a lot more than two Oreos. And a sweet smiley baby that has no perception of time. 

I know Dags and I will be okay. 

Pretty

"Why should my heart be lonely"

It is our last week with Mark. He moves back to Toronto on Monday for the rest of the year. I don't really have any words to describe what I'm feeling. My heart doesn't seem to handle even the thought of him leaving already. So to these last days with him I'm clinging, and to this hymn. I can't read it  all the way through without breaking down because of how true these words are to my heart. 

Why should I be discouraged and why should the shadows fall?
Why should my heart be lonely and long for heaven and home?
When Jesus is my portion, my constant Friend is He, 
His eye is on the sparrow and I know He watches me.
His eye is on the sparrow and I know He watches me.

I sing because I'm happy; 

I sing because I'm free; 

His eye is on the sparrow

And I know He watches me.

Let not your heart be troubled; these tender words I hear; 

And resting on his goodness I lose my doubts and fears; 

For by the path He leadeth but one step I may see; 

His eye is on the sparrow and I know He watches me.

His eye is on the sparrow and I know He watches me.

I sing because I'm happy; 

I sing because I'm free; 

His eye is on the sparrow

And I know He watches me.

Whenever I am tempted; whenever clouds arise; 

When songs give place to sighing; when hope within me dies; 

I draw the closer to Him; from care He sets me free; 

His eye is on the sparrow and I know He watches me.

His eye is on the sparrow and I know He watches me.

I sing because I'm happy; 

I sing because I'm free; 

His eye is on the sparrow

And I know He watches me.

A story about this hymn:

"Mrs. Doolittle had been bedridden for nigh twenty years. Her husband was an incurable cripple who had to propel himself to and from his business in a wheel chair. Despite their afflictions, they lived happy Christian lives, bringing inspiration and comfort to all who knew them. One day while we were visiting with the Doolittles, my husband commented on their bright hopefulness and asked them for the secret of it. Mrs. Doolittle's reply was simple: "His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me." The beauty of this simple expression of boundless faith gripped the hearts and fired the imagination of Dr. Martin and me. The hymn "His Eye Is on the Sparrow" was the outcome of that experience."

Mark and I have had a few conversations about his upcoming departure and how I am going to survive without him here. His responses and prayers are perfect examples of the hopefulness and boundless faith described here.